The Triduum Lived

Today millions of the world's Christians will gather in their churches around the world to re-enact the Passion meal celebrated by Jesus Christ and the men and women who followed Him.  It is the beginning of the Triduum.  It was the beginning of the end of His earthly life.  He, in His wondrous mystery, gave to them and to us, His followers, a meal that we can celebrate time and time again to be near to Him and to be strengthened so that we, too, can go forth to bring His truth to the world during our age.  This is a holy time, a time of reflection of who Jesus of Nazareth was and a time to sit with Him in prayer.  

Today there were some young, college-aged Christians who were asked if they were Christian.  Upon uttering their "yes" they were shot and killed.  It is they who truly enter into the Triduum of Christ and their family members and friends who now walk the shadow of death and feel the suffocating suffering that it brings.  We need to weep for them.  We need to weep for us whose time has not come yet but is destined to come.  May our faith fill every ounce of our being so that we may be courageous enough to say "yes" in the face of the evil one who comes to take the life of God's creation.  It is this evil that played itself out in the last moment's of Christ's life.  It is this evil that does not know that through this unutterable selfish and sinful act we, as followers of Jesus Christ, have been brought together more closely in communion with the saints that have gone before, the saints that went forth today, and the Spirit of Him who calls to our spirit to stand up, take a deep breath of grace, and go forward.  He promised us that His Spirit would be here to stand with us and to not be afraid for on the other side of our last breath He waits with His arms opened wide to welcome us to His eternal  love and comfort.

Go forth our friends.  Go forth and weep no more.  You have met the challenge of this world with saintly action and we are so proud to call you brother and sister in Christ.  Pray for us.  Pray that we, too, will be able to say "yes" when called to our fullness as apostles for the Savior of the world.  

May God be just in His punishment of those who took your earthly life from you. 

Understanding Violence

In the Gospel of John we are told that "Mary of Magdala came to the tomb early in the morning while it was still dark.."  We are left to imagine what that may have been like for her.  Certainly she was grieving for her Master, her Rabi, her Friend, and leaving for the tomb alone in the darkness of morning would have given her welcomed moments to weep over her inability to make sense of what she had just witnessed.  How could so many have been so enlightened by Him and yet so fearful of Him?  Didn't others feel the calming joy that walked with Him?  Weren't their minds and thoughts brought new life with His words and explanations about God and living?  Wasn't the touch of His hand on a shoulder or a cheek so light and yet so shocking? What had He done that seemed to bring only fear and anger to them?  What was it He said that shook them so badly that they had to rid the world of Him?  How could they, His people, not only seek His murder but before this seek His humiliation? His taunting?  His torture? and then His crucifixion?  Mary stops on the path, puts her ointments down on the ground, and covers her face with her hands.  The waves of grief flood over her.  Her body trembles with its inability to grasp all that she has seen: the screaming, the ferocious anger, the jealousy, the quick movements of soldiers following orders, the dust, the wind, the pushing, the shoving, the blood, the gasping, the crying, the stillness...it is too much.  It is just too much.  There is no sense to this violence.  There is no sense to people treating one another this way.  There is no purpose in ending life.  There is nothing right about ending His.  

Mary continues walking to the tomb, slower now under the weight of sadness and knowing what she will find there, what is always found there...emptiness.  Her gesture of going and weeping is an age old one that gives movement and direction to one who is in the shadow of death.  How scary and frightening it must have been when she finally gets to His tomb only to find the stone gone.  Shocked and stunned her own anger erupts and she moves quickly inside and finds two "angels in white" sitting who question her on why she is weeping?  She was weeping because Jesus was dead.  Now, He is dead and His body gone.  She continues to weep but Mary does not shrink in fear from talking to these two ethereal beings but instead demands to know where He is so that SHE can go and get Him.  What love this woman has for Him.  How her broken heart must have rallied its strength to be willing to rush off to do what she could to get Him back.  She needed to get Him back so that she could have at least that much of Him to be close to.  

In the Gospel we are told Christ, Himself, appears and asks her "Woman, why are you weeping?  Who are you looking for?" Once again, she tells this man, this person she thought was a gardener, to tell her where Jesus has been taken so that she can "go and get him".  Jesus then says her name, "Mary".  It is in His relational address of her that she "sees" and "hears" that it is Him and spontaneously with sheer happiness she reaches out to touch Him.  What joyful confusion must have been coursing through her.  He was dead.  She saw this with her own eyes and felt her heart break at the foot of His cross.  Now, here He is in front of her speaking her name and telling her to "go and tell my brothers..."  She was to announce to them that she had seen Him and He was going to the Father.    Her grief dissipated at the sound of His voice and exultation began to flow through her very being.  She could do nothing else but what He was calling her to do so she ran, she ran as fast as her legs would take her.  Could we even imagine her lifting up the folds of her dress so that she could even run more freely, more swiftly, to do what it was He was asking of her.  Out of breath and full of renewed life she runs into the room where the others sit in grief stricken silence and she, through tears of joy, tells them Her Masters words.  

This story of Mary of Magdala and the tomb of Christ can give us a better understanding of violence within the world of human interaction.  Life without relationship to God is life without possibilities.  It is life with fear and cynicism and jealousy and addictions to power, money, and other gods.  It is life that easily integrates forms of violent activity towards other human beings, creatures, or nature.  Rationale is given and deeds done.  

Mary, through her love and belief in Jesus, shows us that life in relationship to God is right ordered.  It is earthly life that still contains suffering and grief but is open to the joy, excitement, and exultation of seeing, hearing, and responding to the voice of the risen Christ.  

This morning on TV the news showed the buses of the family members of those who perished in the Alps through the violent act of a sinful pilot.  I could see through the windows the grief stricken faces of the men and women who were being brought to the burial ground of their loved ones.  Some held their heads in their hands as the Coach slowly moved forward to meet the others in the long line of a death march.  I thought of Mary of Magdala and saw her face in the window as the bus drove by.  These people are at the foot of the cross.  This is their time of not making sense of this violent act that ended the lives of their loved ones so quickly.  They will hear the banging and the screaming and the praying and will see the scattering of mayhem.  As with Mary, they will face the challenge to "see" and "hear" the risen Christ whispering their names so that they, too, may come to feel the exultation of Easter morning.

Moving Towards the Horizon

     While in the midst of my clinical pastoral education (CPE) journey I came to know the concept of the "parallel journey".  This is the co-journey that we are all on as we interact and experience our lives in relationship to other's lives lived.  Reflecting on someone else's life can be a significant resource for reflections on our own.  We can listen to someone talk about what has happened to them and when they are finished sharing, we are given the opportunity to look at their experience through the lens of our own mind's eye.  Many times this can lead us to greater understanding of what we, ourselves, are experiencing or have experienced in the past; ultimately leading us to possible reconciliation and peace.
     Through my study of spiritual discernment and my actual directing of it over the past four years I can witness to the continuing parallel journey that I have experienced while discernment students seek out their deeper relationship with God.  I have come to "look for" what it is that the Holy Spirit is wanting to enlighten me about.  A number of months ago I found myself drawn towards writings about "Sabbath".  I was curious about this new desire that was welling up in me because the Sabbath was fairly simple in my life. It has always meant attending Mass on either Saturday afternoon or Sunday and trying not to leave too many chores to be accomplished.  This was easier said than done when both my husband and I were working full time jobs and we had little children at home.  In fact, there were times that I felt a great shame and guilt when Sunday night would come and I was hurriedly ironing the girls' school uniforms for the next day and I realized that I had hardly spent any time "with" them.  We didn't go for walks in the sunshine, play basketball in the driveway, sit in the coolness of the above ground pool together listening to the birds sing, or work side by side preparing Sunday's meals.  Instead, I was out buying the groceries, sweeping the driveway, weeding the garden, and, sometimes, angry and bitter over making "one more meal" that someone was not going to like.
So, having God turn my heart towards a deeper awareness of Sabbath was both frightening, in that I didn't think I was going to be able to accomplish what others thought I was supposed to do, and uplifting, in that I was hoping and praying for a respite for my "to do list" life that was far from enriching and affirming.  
     This morning God has blessed me with an even greater understanding of where He is taking me.  In beginning to read Norman Wirzba's, Living the Sabbath, Discovering the Rhythms of Rest and Delight, I have found a writing about the Sabbath that speaks to the every day life of western culture.  Early in his book, Wirzba, a doctor of philosophy, takes his readers directly to the heart of what he is writing about Sabbath being a time to reflect on God "in the world".  For this reflection to take place we need to slow down and Look for Him in all things.  This, then, is how we come to realize that God is in everything that He has so generously created for us to be co-stewards of.  This means we need to stop, see, listen, and know.  For me this is a bringing together of spiritual discernment and the Sabbath for it is within the virtue of spiritual discernment, the habitualizing of our taking time every day to be with God in reflection of our daily life, that we enter into the holiness of Sabbath.  This habit of reflective prayer leads us to greater and greater desire to see the world in relationship with God; like taking a walk with your very best friend who is pointing out to you all of the beautiful leaves, and trees, and birds, and flowers along the way; so much so, that when you return from your walk you are filled with the warmth of God's goodness that wells up inside of you so that all you can do is sit back and smile.  I am reminded here of a walk I took with my children and grandchildren this past fall on my daughter's wooded land.  We walked, talked, and took notice of natural things as we meandered around the bends in the river.  We were gifted at the end of our walk with the sighting of an owl perched on a limb who had probably been watching us much longer than we became aware of his/her grandeur.  It was a lovely time and we returned to her home refreshed from the cool fall air and filled with an unfolding natural experience.  
     Now, take that experience and literally bring God and His Spirit into the picture through prayers of thanksgiving and praise.  We did not do this, but I can imagine how it would deepen the experience to give honor, verbally and communally, to our Creator for giving us such a delightful opportunity to see His handiwork and exclaim to all who will listen about it.  Jesus tells us in Holy Scripture "Let those who "see" see and those who "hear" hear".  What are we to see and what are we to hear?  What if our lives are so busy and so loud that we are depriving ourselves of all the beauty that has been given to us to feed us in ways that would have us spilling over with praise and thanksgiving and we could do nothing but "care" for those people and other creations that come into contact with us?  Doesn't our acknowledgement of that alter the question from "What am I to see and hear?" to "Lord, how do I change my life so that I may see and hear?" 
     The horizon of my understanding becomes even clearer when Wirzba begins to connect the Sabbath to gardening and our western culture's production and processing of food.  I have been trying to open myself spiritually to the Holy Spirit's wisdom on dirt, water, gardening, and food that I harvest, preserve, and serve.  (In fact, I would take this opportunity to tell all of you to take the time to watch "Dirt, The Movie".  It is simple but eye opening and it has within it a wisdom that speaks of our global enlightenment.)  It is here that I began to feel the spirit within me beginning to "sing" at the connections of spiritual discernment, Sabbath, nature, gardening, and food production and felt a desire to share this with you.  
     This week my husband and I begin our spring planting in the form of starting vegetable and flower seeds in our home.  Last year we grew approx. 2,000 plants in our dining room, living room, and front porch.  I think this will be our 4th year and we, along with our girls, look forward to the smell of earth and young plants to offset the ongoing cold and snow of winter.  This year I will be reading Wirzba's book parallel to my planting.  My prayer will be that the Holy Spirit take me closer to the horizon of God's revelation of Himself within my life and all whom I come into contact with and all of His other creations that surround me.  I also pray that you, too, will open yourself up to be curious of your parallel journey to all that you are connected to and then share it with all who desire to see and hear, for I know that you will be happy and excited and filled with the joy of receiving the most wonderful of gifts from your most Beloved Creator.

Need For Awareness of Spiritual Gifts

The other evening I went to a mandatory parent meeting at my local parish.  This meeting was for parents of 10^th graders and as part of their faith formation parents are required to attend a number of meetings held throughout the school year.  I hadn’t been to one yet so I was somewhat excited to experience it. 

My husband and I joined about 30 other parents, most who had their 10^th graders with them.  We did not bring our daughter only because we were not aware that we were expected to. 

There were two college aged young adults clearly preparing to lead the gathering, one a male and the other a female.  The young man came into the center of those gathered and began talking about the meaning of the Triduum.  If he introduced himself, I missed that.  It became evident very quickly that he was giving a lecture on aspects of the Triduum.  This was not a problem for my husband and myself, that is, until he began to talk about the priesthood, the lives of a few of the saints, the virgin Mary, etc. and some of what he was stating as fact was not theologically sound belief within the Catholic Church.  My husband looked at me, the theologian, to see if I was having a problem with this.  I looked at him with surprise that we were encountering a personal apologetics speech at a gathering such as this.  I looked around the room to see if others were having difficulty with this meeting and what I saw saddened me.  Some of the parents were on their cell phones, some of the youth were yawning and rubbing their hands over their heads and faces reminding me of my overly tired homeless clients of years before.  Some were listening to this young man as he rambled on about what appeared to be the dogma of the faith and probably taking in as truth his uneducated presentation.  I thought about interrupting him but I would have had to actually stand up and call out for he was on a role.  He was not interacting with us gathered nor was he engaging anyone with eye contact.  What I realized very quickly was that 1) I was leaving, 2) I needed to write a letter of protest, and 3) my daughter would not be attending any of these meetings without us.

When we got home, my husband and I did sit down and formulate an email to the faith formation director whom we have not heard from as of yet. 

I have taught theology to a number of young adults.  I try hard to encourage their desire to look more deeply into their faith.  With that I invite them into the real life experiences and wisdom writings of the Doctors of the Church, the Fathers of the Church, the Catechism, ongoing Papal documents, and writings of faithful Christians that have stood the clarifying criticism of time and review.  Many do not want to go down that educational path.  Their opinions are formed, they have surrounded themselves with others who think in similar ways to them, and they are very busy with lives filled with informational experiences, mostly useless as social scientists are currently pointing out.  So, I do not relish this young man, who is clearly giving of his time and energy to the parish, to be embarrassed or feel put down for his efforts.  I do, however, want him to know that he could benefit from spiritual discernment, where he could determine whether or not teaching or knowledge is a spiritual gift of his, and he could take the time to pursue theological education.  All of this would invite him into a state of humility, an opportunity to pursue more theological education, and help him to grow spiritually to be a more effective evangelizer on behalf of the faith.  Until then, he clearly needs to back away from opportunities to practice juvenile apologetics before an unwitting crowd.  Now, the responsibility of the other parents to be “present” and expecting engagement on behalf of their sons or daughters is a whole other writing which I will come back to soon.

Wisdom, Teaching, Prophecy, Administration, Discerning of Spirits, Writing, Knowledge, etc. are all special graces given by the Holy Spirit to the spirit of an individual on behalf of the church to be used in the uplifting of the church or to be used in the world.  If we, as Christians, want to be as informed as we can be and we want to be treated in a way that affirms our individual and communal dignity, then we need to have an expectation out of the church that individuals with these graces be sought out.  We know, through Holy Scripture and through the ongoing Holy Tradition of the Church that individuals continue today to be called by the Spirit of God to use these graces in an active and engaging way.  It is their responsibility as daughters and sons of God.  It is their created right to be seen in their individual spiritual entirety.  It is the demand of their lives to be steadfast and to go forth with praise to God for the blessings He has showered upon them through the distribution of these graces, undeserved, and yet given as gift of grace to give truthful light, as God’s compassion and mercy, to the world.

May the Holy Spirit tug at this young man’s heart to move him into seeking out those around him who have these special graces so that they may teach him what it is that he needs to know.  Be with him on this journey.  Be curious about one another’s spirits.  Be seekers of how the Holy Spirit continues to engage the Church and the world.  Be the Body of Christ by being willing to acknowledge the existence of hands and feet and arms and legs and eyes and ears…With this we will truly go out into the world with truth upon our lips giving voice to the joy of the Gospel of God impressed upon our hearts.  Blessings…

I Am Back

I have been gone from this website since December of 2013.  There are reasons for that.  The first one is that my young daughter asked me if I would "home school" her for the second semester of her 5th grade.  She was struggling at school and was coming home escalated every day and crying before leaving in the morning.  After discerning this over the holidays and meeting with her homeroom teacher, I agreed.  I had to do research on this, pursue the proper educational channels for the state of North Dakota, and then go forward in educating myself on the "system" I wanted to use and how my husband, with his Master's level knowledge, could be used in assisting us.  We did this, all went well, and she was feeling much better by May and involved with the after school drama program at her school.  She needed this and I am grateful to God for allowing me to problem solve her request and discern the possibilities through prayer and reflection.  When the end of the school year came, I thought I would be able to get back to my writing but I was mistaken.  My brother became quickly ill and died shortly after a week of his hospitalization.  He was the last of my family of origin to pass away.  This left me with many responsibilities and, since he had no spouse or children, the pursuit of being the "personal representative" of his estate.  I have done this not only because of my feeling of responsibility but also out of my love for him.  This has taken me into the journey of distributing his belongings, securing his photography and manuscripts, the sale of his home, the paying of his bills, etc ; a journey many can relate to.  I am just now, eight months later, beginning to feel that I can take some of my time for my own writing.  So, here I am....Holy Spirit called...ready to write again.  If you are new to this site, I welcome you.  If you are not, I've missed you.  Please feel free to leave your comments and enter into a dialogue.  How else will we be able to clarify what it is that God would like us to discover about Him and His relationship with us, if we do not seek out why it is that He has brought us together.  Blessings...